I recently overheard someone in a bookstore telling a group of people why they should not have their own attorneys, how they could not trust lawyers, how lawyers would cheat them and how they should rely upon the company the speaker belonged to instead. That conversation got me thinking about why people facing separation and divorce need not just any lawyer, but a good divorce lawyer.

Reason #1-What You need to know

You need to know your rights, duties and responsibilities under the law. Only a lawyer who has been retained to represent your interests can advise you. How can you realistically discuss financial arrangements in separating and divorcing, if you don’t know what your rights, duties and responsibilities are? Not knowing what your rights are can result in not getting your fair share of assets, your fair share of support or your fair share of time with your children. Not knowing what your duties and responsibilities are can result in your paying more than your fair share of assets or your fair share of support. Most attorneys offer a special reduced rate for consulting services to encourage people to get advice early and often. There is no reason to rely on backyard fence advice, when you can get real advice from a qualified experienced divorce lawyer for a reasonable fee. Furthermore, in my experience, the backyard fence advice is usually wrong. Remember that if what you hear is half true, it is still wrong.

Reason #2-Backyard Advice

My friend is divorced. Why can’t I rely on my friend’s experience and knowledge. Well, you could do that but what you need to realize is that unless your friend is a licensed attorney, he/she is not authorized to practice law. Your friend’s knowledge will be limited to his/her particular experience. His/her experience with the law is limited to the facts of his/her case and the law as it was at the time. Things change. The law changes. Any change in the facts will change the outcome or advice. Furthermore, changes in the law will change the advice. Your friend simply lacks the knowledge and experience to give sound practical legal advice.

Reason #3-Identifying Issues

The sooner you get a lawyer, the sooner you will learn what you need to know to protect yourself (and your children and property interests). Sometimes people have no idea how to go about identifying the issues they need to discuss, even if the separation is an amicable one and the parties anticipate a “friendly divorce.” A good, experienced divorce lawyer can assist you in identifying the issues you need to discuss with your spouse to achieve a comprehensive agreement and global settlement. Over the years there have been numerous times when we were able to point out to clients areas they had initially overlooked and issues which should be included in their settlement discussions, such as life insurance, health insurance, and children’s educational needs.

Reason #4-To Share or Not to Share?

My spouse already has an attorney. Do I really need to get one too? Can’t the same lawyer represent us both? The answer is no, not really. 30 years ago when I first began practicing law, it was strictly forbidden for a lawyer to represent both sides to a divorce, no matter how “friendly” it was. There are some limited circumstances in which dual representation might be allowed, provided there is full disclosure of potential conflicts of interest and a waiver of conflicts with informed consent by both parties. These situations are limited and in the event that unhappy differences or disputes should arise, the attorney must end the representation and both parties must seek new counsel. Frankly, we rarely if ever agree to dual representation. We represent our clients zealously within the bounds of the law and the conflicts in representing opposing sides are too apparent for us to agree to do so. Not only that, but if your spouse has a lawyer, that means that he/she has already sought legal advice and has some rudimentary knowledge of his/her rights, duties and responsibilities under the law.

Someone once said knowledge is power. Would you rather be the one with the knowledge (and the power) or the one without knowledge? How trusting can you be of your spouse or his/her attorney in the circumstances? Remember that your spouse’s attorney already represents your spouse. In our experience, spouses, especially those who tend to be controlling will think nothing of misrepresenting the law to gain advantage in the negotiation. Recently a client told me that her husband who remains in the marital home told her that she was now his “landlord” and therefore she could not re-enter the home without his consent and presence and that his lawyer said so. Needless to say, everything he told her was wrong. Her husband also told our client that they did not need to use lawyers and could reach an agreement on their own without lawyers. He also said that if she insisted on having her attorney review paperwork before she signed it that he would find something to disagree with on each draft to drive up her costs. Clearly he was trying to manipulate, intimidate and control his wife, who was wise to seek her own independent counsel from a knowledgeable, experienced divorce attorney.

Reason #5-Do You Feel Lucky?

Going to a court hearing in a pending divorce without a lawyer is like playing Russian Roulette. How lucky do you think you are? Would you perform surgery on yourself or would you seek out a qualified surgeon? Why do you think that you know enough to represent yourself in court? Do you know what your rights, duties and responsibilities are? The judge won’t help you out if you don’t know what you are doing. There are rules of evidence and rules of procedure that govern hearings. You need someone on your team that knows the rules of the game. You will need someone to prepare you for your testimony in court so that you don’t put your feet in your mouth up to your hip bone. You will be bound by the things that come out of your mouth in court. Recently we spoke to a man who incurred spousal and child support obligations of $4000 per month. The court issued an order based on erroneous exhibits filed by his wife’s attorney and based upon things he said in open court as to his income which were not accurate. A skilled trial attorney can get you to say things that you don’t mean to say, especially if you have not been prepared for your testimony.

Reason #6-Too Little, Too Late

Going to see a lawyer after you have already signed papers or participated in depositions or hearings pro se (representing yourself) is like closing the barn door, after the cow got out. Just because you were not represented does not mean that you can get out of a bad decision or bad deal you may have made or get out of rulings the court made when you were unrepresented. The time to get advice is before you sign. The time to get advice is before you go to court. In fact, you should get advice as soon as you receive legal notice of a pending lawsuit against you.

If you are reading this and you have already signed papers, you should still consult with a good experienced divorce attorney to have the papers explained to you and to review t he papers to see if there are any loopholes that may be used to renegotiate terms move favorably to you or to insist upon “clarification” of the agreement. The attorney can also explain the consequences of having signed the paperwork.

If you are reading this and you are in the midst of a divorce action and have been to depositions on your own, you should seek an immediate consultation with a good experienced divorce attorney to see if there is any legal basis to suppress the depositions. Be sure to take all of your documents with you to the consultation. We have seen situations where it was possible to reopen a case for a client because the depositions were taken too early. In such situations, the depositions were quashed by filing the appropriate papers under the rules of court. In your case it may be too late to do anything, but you should at least talk to a divorce attorney right away to be sure.

Reason #7-Isn’t a Lawyer a Lawyer? (A Rose by Any Other Name…)

I know a lawyer who did the closing on our house. Can’t I go to him/her for advice about separation and divorce? Yes, you could but there is a saying that if the blind lead the blind, they both fall in a ditch. Would you go to a podiatrist (foot doctor) if you had an eye infection? You could; after all, the podiatrist went to medical school and learned about the body, including the eyes. The questions are how much, if anything does he/she remember, is he/she current on the medical literature pertaining to the eye and infection, including the diagnosis and treatment of the eye? I have seen horrendous separation agreements prepared by lawyers who do not devote at least a significant portion of their practice to family law but were trying to accommodate a friend or relation in their time of need. Actually a lawyer should decline a case, if he/she does not believe that he/she has the knowledge and experience to handle it or that he/she is not willing to acquire the knowledge necessary to handle it.

It takes a significant amount of time to keep up with all of the changes in the law that affect separation and divorce. Think about it. Every week somewhere there is a court, either federal or state making a decision that could affect your situation. Every week that the legislature is in session, whether Congress or the General Assembly, they make decisions that could affect your situation. An experienced divorce attorney should make it a point to review new cases and statutes looking for those that affect family law practice; all of the best family lawyers do.

Reason #8-Prepaid Legal?

If you have paid for this service, then certainly you can talk to one of the participating attorneys. But unless the attorney is an experienced divorce lawyer with a significant portion of his/her practice devoted to separation and divorce and related issues, you should give serious consideration to looking outside of your prepaid plan. Has the lawyer written any books or articles on separation, divorce or related issues that are published? I am not a participating attorney in a pre paid legal plan. The best divorce lawyers are not participants in “prepaid” legal. To my knowledge there are no fellows (members) of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers who participate in pre paid legal services plans. If you are reading this report and have personal knowledge of an attorney who belongs to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and also belongs to a pre paid legal plan, please email us at valawtalk@justice.com to report the name of the attorney so that we can verify the information and update this report.

Think about what is at stake; the custody and support of your children, and the division of assets you may have worked your entire married life to accumulate, including your home, pension, savings, military retirement and/or 401K. Do you really want to cut corners when it comes to your kids? Your home? Your pension? Your retirement?

Reason #9-A Ship Needs a Navigator

If you think of your legal case as a ship, the client is the captain of the ship and the client’s attorney is the navigator. The navigator doesn’t decide where to go, but he/she does map out the best course to arrive at the destination. Divorce is difficult, even “friendly” divorce is not easy. It can be an emotional rollercoaster. You need emotional, psychological and legal support. In choosing to separate and divorce, you will be faced with important decisions that will affect you, your spouse and your children not only now but in the foreseeable future. Passions can run hot during this difficult time and you need a clear head. You need a team of individuals including someone knowledgeable in separation and divorce law to help you see clearly and navigate the difficult and sometimes angry waters of separation and divorce.

Not having a good divorce lawyer at the planning and separation stage leaves you without the sound advice and rational third party perspective you need to make decisions which can bind you for life. Not having a good divorce lawyer at the divorce stage leaves you without the knowledge, experience and advocacy of a good experienced divorce attorney. It leaves you at the mercy of your spouse and your spouse’s attorney. Neither your spouse nor his/her attorney is there to show you mercy. You need someone to fight for you when you cannot fight for yourself. You need someone to help you understand what is gong on and how to act in the storm.

You need someone who can help you to be pro-active and not simply re-active to steps that your spouse takes. You want a team to support you, a team which can and should include your pastor, rabbi or spiritual advisor, your CPA or tax advisor, extended family, friends and a good experienced divorce attorney.

Reason #10-You Need an Advocate

You are going through a traumatic experience. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences in life, second only to the death of a spouse. You need someone who understands what is at stake and will advocate for your interests with not only knowledge and experience but passion and feeling. When you interview attorneys, find out why they practice family law and what motivates them in advocating for clients. What is it that makes them passionate advocates? I recently spoke with another trial attorney who does not generally handle divorce work. He usually handles criminal and traffic defense and civil suits for money damages; he told me that he was forced by the poor economy to take a contested divorce case. Divorce and family law are not his first choice of trial work. He is doing it now solely for the money. Is that the motivation you would want in your attorney? Or would you rather have a lawyer who has made a conscious decsion to focus on family law and uses his/her life experience such as knowing what it is like to be a child of divorce to relate to the circumstances of your case and to advocate for you with passion and conviction?

If you are a divorcing man that holds any assets that you would like NOT to lose in your divorce, I have only one thing to say to you; you need to get the best possible divorce help! You never know how dirty divorce tricks your wife may end up using on you..

Many men have lost almost everything they have worked so hard for during their life, their ex-wife now has all that. Would you like to be one of these losers? I take it that you answered no. well, to make sure that your wife will not be able to clean you up with any dirty divorce tricks, you need to get some serious expert help..

Divorce Help from Attorneys

Naturally the top divorce attorneys of your State can offer you the very finest help for your divorce process, but there’s a catch. They will charge you so much for their services that there wouldn’t be anything left for your wife to take from you..

Sure, if your only goal is that your wife will not get your money, go ahead and hire one of these lawyers.

When it comes to those cheaper divorce lawyers, well.. They really can’t offer too much help for most divorcing men. Surely they indeed can offer you certain assistant in some things during your divorce, but it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to rely completely on their help.

Getting Divorce Help Online

The good news for many men going through a divorce is that internet exists. Earlier it would’ve been impossible to get real expert help for your divorce case, but thanks to internet it is now possible. The very best thing is that this way you can get REAL expert help, the kind of help that would otherwise cost you thousands and thousands of dollars..

Many men have been able to save their life earnings this way and it is what I recommend for all the men who wants to avoid any dirty tricks being pulled on them by their soon to be ex-wife. If you wish to walk out of your marriage as a winner..

It’s important to be able to know when your marriage is on the downhill well before any legal separation or divorce issues are brought forth. If you’re seeing a decline in your marriage and fear the worst, it’s important that you take steps before the legal paperwork starts piling up.

Think about what you need to protect yourself. Call your creditors and see what you can do to keep your ex-wife from charging up debt that she can later drop back in your hands. Close joint accounts and keep your money elsewhere.

Once you receive your divorce paperwork, it’s time to get some things in order. File a temporary restraining order against your ex-wife if she shows hostility, so that you can protect your rights and those of your children before she attempts to make false accusations against you. This will keep you one step ahead of her. Do your research, educate yourself on your fathers rights, and put down in writing what is important to you and what you’re willing to agree upon. Don’t think about what SHE will agree to, think about what you WANT. This can sometimes leave a little negotiation room for you to work on a more agreeable settlement together down the road.

While keeping a level head, write your first settlement proposal letter right away after the papers have been filed, and continually follow up with additional letters if you don’t receive a response from your ex. Lay out the groundwork for the issues that need to be discussed, such as child support, alimony, visitation rights, custodial rights, and debt and property division. By showing your ex what you want from the divorce will give her time to consider your suggestions and perhaps understand what you truly want out of the divorce.

Push negotiation and mediation. By showing the courts that you are willing to settle your issues and arguments outside of the court system, you will be on the judge’s good side if the case proceeds into the courtroom.

By taking these few simple steps before the courtroom drama ensues, you may have a great chance of getting your ex-wife to cooperate in regards to the issues that matter to you most–you money, your kids, and your assets.

Divorce is difficult for anyone. It is a major life chance that affects everyone in your group of family and friends, and it can have wide-reaching, long-term emotional consequences. For children in particular, divorce can be a traumatic, life-changing event in which everything they’ve known their whole lives is turned upside down seemingly overnight. This is especially true for young children, who often lack the maturity, experience, and awareness to separate the divorce from themselves. These children often need help putting the experience into perspective.

The following tips can help you make as easy a transition for your children as possible. While the experience may still be a difficult one for them, following these steps can simplify the healing process and lessen the chances of them suffering from serious, long-term emotional problems as the result:

· Make sure that your children understand that the divorce is not their fault. While this may seem like a given to you, children (especially young children) may have a difficult time understanding this. Sit down with them and your spouse and explain to the children that they were not the cause of it, they have nothing to feel guilty about, and that your love for them will not change.

· Follow up on that promise. Children know when they have been lied to, and it’s important to follow through on your promises to them. Whether you get custody of them following the divorce may be irrelevant. Make sure they realize that they are an incredibly important part of your life by doing things with them.

· If possible, try not to come between their relationships with their other parent. While this may be difficult, it’s important to the health of the child.

· Don’t fall into the trap of using them to get back at your ex-spouse. Children often get caught in the middle of bitter parents who use the children as a way of irritating their former partner. This can permanently damage the child emotionally.

· Do your best to maintain the tone of your pre-divorce relationship with your children. This will give them a sense of continuity and help prevent a number of potentially damaging changes.

Your relationship with your children is incredibly important. If you have any other questions about how to help young children cope with a divorce, the San Jose divorce attorneys of the Law Office of Daniel Jensen may be able to help. Visit our website today.

When you and your spouse are having marital difficulties, whether it is infidelity, domestic abuse, or simply irreconcilable difference, you may be considering your options regarding the next steps to take. When marital counseling has not yielded desired results between you and your partner, you may think that divorce is the only course of action you can take. However, you do have another option: legal separation. In any case, having marital troubles can be an especially trying time in one’s life so it is imperative to have support from your friends and family in making these difficult decisions.

Legal Separation

“Separation” means that you and your spouse will live apart. You do not need to formally file court papers in order to do so. If you decide this is the course of action that you and your spouse want to take, you will need to work out arrangements for care of the children (including custody and expenses) as well as other fiscal responsibilities. This can be done with the help of a mediator or arbitrator. If an agreement is not possible, you will need to consult an attorney to discuss your rights.

To get a legal separation, you must file a petition in your Superior or Family Division Court. It is a distinct legal product rather than being a first step to getting a divorce.

How Legal Separation is Different From Divorce

Separation and divorce are very similar. In both cases, you will determine custody and visitation for your children, and, if appropriate, alimony orders. All of your family assets and debts will be permanently divided, as well. The main difference between the two is that in a legal separation, you are still technically married. Because of this, the wife may not resume her maiden name.

Why Separate Rather Than Divorce?

For couples where divorce is simply not an option (because of religious reasons or moral values), legal separation provides similar results. If you are considering divorce or legal separation, or think that your spouse is, it is important to consult with a lawyer to discuss how your state’s law applies to your personal situation and make sure you fully understand your legal rights.

Visit the web site of Houston divorce lawyers of Garg & Associates for more information on how to navigate this distressing time in your personal life.